Blarg
1.07.2005
"Calm down...just calm down....it'll be alright. There's nothing wrong....everything is fine.....it'll be alright. Just calm down...."
This is just a snippet of a conversation I had with MYSELF last night. Yeah. You read that correctly. I lay awake last night worrying incessantly about something that's been on my mind recently and I had to calm myself by repeating those words over and over again in my head. I don't know what's wrong. What happend to miss chipper? I think she's vacationing in the carribean. I hope she's having fun, because I'm miserable. Not exactly 'depressed' (I've got nothing to be that sad over), but it just seems that my life has been out of whack since right after Christmas. Nothing has gone "wrong" really, but not many things have worked out like they should have.
On top of that, or maybe because of that, I've been a little overly emotional. I've taken simple comments the wrong way from a couple of people (though I don't believe they know that since l'm the kind of person who lets it sit on my mind a bit before I actually get mad...good thing too, because what I've gotten hurt/upset over turned out to be really stupid-on my part). I've even cried once. Gotten teary eyed more than that. I can't figure out what's wrong. There's nothing to be sad about really. I can think of one sort of big reason, but it's nothing that can be helped so it's pointless to worry about it.
The truth is, I'm a worrier. I'm an analyzer. I'm an over-analyzer. I have been really good about not doing that the past, oh, two years or so. But the analyzing comes more with the company I keep rather than the state I'm in.
It didn't help things to find out that two people who were significant figures in my life growing up, have both died. One this past November, one 2 years ago come February. One due to cancer and one due to old age. Where have I been? Has my bubble just burst?
PS. Why is it that when you need your friends the most they always seem to be unavailable, or too busy for you? It baffles me, but it happens everytime. That's why I'm so "Blarg" (attitude) I think. No one to talk to. Oh well....*points to above paragraph* It'll be fine.
I'll probably be done over it (well most of it) faster than this entry will take to post, but it's just been on my mind lately.
This is just a snippet of a conversation I had with MYSELF last night. Yeah. You read that correctly. I lay awake last night worrying incessantly about something that's been on my mind recently and I had to calm myself by repeating those words over and over again in my head. I don't know what's wrong. What happend to miss chipper? I think she's vacationing in the carribean. I hope she's having fun, because I'm miserable. Not exactly 'depressed' (I've got nothing to be that sad over), but it just seems that my life has been out of whack since right after Christmas. Nothing has gone "wrong" really, but not many things have worked out like they should have.
On top of that, or maybe because of that, I've been a little overly emotional. I've taken simple comments the wrong way from a couple of people (though I don't believe they know that since l'm the kind of person who lets it sit on my mind a bit before I actually get mad...good thing too, because what I've gotten hurt/upset over turned out to be really stupid-on my part). I've even cried once. Gotten teary eyed more than that. I can't figure out what's wrong. There's nothing to be sad about really. I can think of one sort of big reason, but it's nothing that can be helped so it's pointless to worry about it.
The truth is, I'm a worrier. I'm an analyzer. I'm an over-analyzer. I have been really good about not doing that the past, oh, two years or so. But the analyzing comes more with the company I keep rather than the state I'm in.
It didn't help things to find out that two people who were significant figures in my life growing up, have both died. One this past November, one 2 years ago come February. One due to cancer and one due to old age. Where have I been? Has my bubble just burst?
PS. Why is it that when you need your friends the most they always seem to be unavailable, or too busy for you? It baffles me, but it happens everytime. That's why I'm so "Blarg" (attitude) I think. No one to talk to. Oh well....*points to above paragraph* It'll be fine.
I'll probably be done over it (well most of it) faster than this entry will take to post, but it's just been on my mind lately.
Amelia at 12:48 PM
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