Starting Over

I'm a lot of things that I didn't used to be. Yeah, I'm aware of the whole "Things are changing, you're getting older" arguement, but when I try to use that justification, the new me comes smashing down like a Nun's ruler on a Catholic boy's knuckles, giving me a smart "Blah blah blah" echo to ponder.
When did I become so predictable? At this point, a stranger knows me better than I know myself. My general attitude leaves something to be desired. Much has changed in the last year. Bonds were made,some unraveling almost as fast. I finally figured out my mom is both right and wrong all bundled in a Betty White-esque package. I realized my family isn't what I once thought it was. That's partly my fault.
I've got so many things I would like to do. I've lay awake most nights, just planning a direction for myself. It seems my drive has disappeared though, because I'm as close to those plans as I am to the North Pole. My brain is a toasted marshmallow. Seemingly stable on the outside, but one little push, and it turns to mush.
There's been putdowns, letdowns, and all around breakdowns. Fighting, making up, and breaking up. Trauma and drama and everything in between. As the old addage says, there is no going back, only looking forward.
Even though January first is a few monthes away, I raise my glass of Diet Coke. Here's to a better year.