These Walls

So I did it. I finally got up the nerve to do it. No friends. The perceptive ones gathered this from Thursday night, but the rest of you have officially been painted a picture. I thought that this would feel worse. Don't get me wrong, it feels bad, I assure you, but not as bad as I had fearfully forseen it to be last month. Maybe it's because I've been thinking it for weeks. Been plodding different scenarios through my brain, waiting for the right one to show itself. It never came, so I took the plunge. I said everything I meant to say the first time, but didn't have the nerve. Saying, what I thought I'd never be able to say. It's finally finished the way I started out needing it to. Closure is good.


So, now what?





My Grandma used to have ceramic bright yellow cartoonish flowers on the kitchen wall, right next to the sink, I read them everytime I went into the kitchen. They said:

Stop and Smile

Spread Some Cheer

Let's be happy

While we're here.

She also had a skillet hanging above them, that someone had painted. She had burnt the skillet horribly right after she and my grandpa had gotten married. She kept it as sort of a learning device. Years later she had it painted and this message printed on it:

"Don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happend"

I'm going to continue sitting with my hand over my mouth and my eyes closed for a while, then I have to get out of here. These walls won't close in on me today.

....and a song to take us through the fade out.....

Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time to change, don't you?
(I think it's time for us to walk away from here)
Stories in our lives, we keep them all inside

Now look at me still in your mind
Our memories so intertwined
Well you broke through and found your way
And so did I no need to stay....
"Stories" Trapt