Weekend

Friday led me into an action packed and confusing weekend. I spent my time doing local and fall activities. I spent Saturday afternoon shopping with my aunt, and then Saturday night poking around The Pumpkin House. I didn't get to see them all (some weren't put out yet) but the Griffith's are putting out 3,500 pumpkins this year. Mr. Griffith also owns (or co-owns maybe) a pharmacy in Kenova on a street reminiscent of Mayberry. The pharmacy has an old fashioned soda shop inside, and it appeared to be the Saturday night hang out in the quiet little town. Next door, was a barber shop, colored pole and all. I'm going to have to go back during the day and see if I can spot employees that look similar to Floyd and Ellie. After seeing this, I and my companions of the evening all agreed that the town was probably the neatest one around here to live in. I wish I had seen it before we chose our place, many moons ago. I'm not living in this state forever, but being there instead of here sure would have made the idea more tempting. A half night of staying up followed by a long morning of chit-chat and giggles led me into Sunday where I failed to fall asleep and wound up bundling in my warmed fall gear to go to the lake and walk around at the lake, rounding out the day with a warm bath in hot chocolate (or atleast a comparable substance) and Grey's Anatomy. I didn't celebrate Halloween like I thought I would, due to extenuating circumstances. I'll have to save the costume for another occassion. Monday was spent attempting to gear up (In that half-assed way I've perfected) for NaNoWriMo. The midnight hour and 2,154 words later and it was off to bed.

I've got this, sort of elated/happy feeling fluttering about me. Have for the past couple of weeks. But underneath (or perhaps, on top of) this feeing lays an ever-present fear. I pull back the second I feel myself going back to what used to be. I can't explain why. I wish I didn't do it, but maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't let myself do that again. I can't be happy, not yet. I'll mess up. There's plenty of time to sing to the trees later.