Palpatations

Since yesterday, my heart has been beating like that of a kittens, so rapid I can barely feel it in my chest. My legs have been weak, feeling like a doe's legs, ready to give way at any moment. I've been very 'jumpy' for lack of a better word, the smallest sound will make the palpatations even worse, and I have to close my eyes to keep from crying. I think my body is trembling. My stomach feels like there is a teenage girl inside it, about to ask her first crush to dance. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me last night, but it dawned on me today that this has happened before.

I'm afraid.

Sometimes, when things are more than a little stressful, I get worried, then scared. I sleep on the couch because for some reason I'm scared to sleep in my room. I worry that my whole world will just crumbe beneath me like wet sand. holding me long enough to get a sense of security, then giving way, dropping me into this big unknown void I can't quite place.

I'm sure things will be fine. In fact, I can't even really place the reason for this worry. It's not money, not my mother, not any of my friends, Not you (though I do fret over you sometimes). Work isn't causing me a big sense of alarm, though they did close the other shoppe, and I'm not sure if they are going to keep this one open. But, a job is a job. If this one leaves, I'll get another. While I won't have as much freedom as I had with this job, I'd get used to it. I simply can't place my finger on why I'm so upset.

So please, guys, if you have any bad news, or trauma, please save it for a while. After 3pm, things might be looking up. But do me a favor and check with me before you drop any bombs, okay?


We don't even have to talk about this. In fact, you don't even have to respond if you like. That's okay. I just needed to talk to you. Get this off my trembling chest. Now, I'm going to go back to counting the beats of my heart.