Calling A Truce With Myself

Most people have that one person that they sort of measure themselves against in terms of success and where they want to be in life. The person they think they'd like to be like, whether it be real or imagined, a rockstar or a relative.

Since 8th grade my person has been a fairly close friend of mine, becoming a lot closer in recent years. So close in fact that she's now family as she married my cousin last winter. I share with her my love of road trips and all things girly, Virginia Woolf and AC/DC, corny jokes and stupid pranks (most at my cousin's expense), and so much more that I could fill a novel with this list. But, somehow she seemed to just be better at life than I was (am? I dunno) and for a long time that consumed me. But, a few years ago I had enough, and though it never actually left, I stopped letting it get to me.

We write one another weekly, the old fashioned, dying art kind of way (who doesn't love a letter!?) and last Thursday I was shocked and very pleased to find this line my correspondence:

I was so stunned that I just sort of stared for a while. Had I read that right? Eventually I decided that I had, and was in a word, giddy. I had finally lived up to.........................what?

She had never set these stupid imaginary goals for me. I had. And while I'm still very pleased that she's proud of me, and feel very lucky to have her in my life, I realize that I stopped caring about being the kind of person who measures how good her life is based on how similar to someone else's life she was a long time ago.

In essence, I'm waving the white flag on Independence Day.

Besides, if I looked at it from that angle, I'd be married (ehh...) to my cousin (UGH!!!)

*Shudder*