(mush)

Going back 'home' is always so strange for me. It will always be home, but it will never be home again. I've only recently given up that little idea in the back of my mind that I would someday go back and sort of pick up where I left off. However, I went back last Thursday to spend some time with Tessa, and because I desperately needed a mini road trip. It's always nice to go back and be with people who are always happy to see you, and love you just as much now as the day they met you. If I hadn't moved away, I might never have realized just who those people were. Besides, seeing Crazy Nolan wouldn't be nearly as remarkable (and scary!) as it is now. But at the same time, it's weird to be left out of stuff you'd consider normal. This time I didn't really feel that...the first time in 5 years I didn't leave with that familar dull ache in my chest.
I think this is all due to the fact that I'm finally feeling comfortable with my life here. One of this year's resolutions was to 'learn to love the city I'm in before leaving) and I think I've begun to do just that. I'm up for a pretty sweet promotion at work, after only 6-7 weeks on the job. I've got projects on my plate that aren't related to anything I have to do regularly (with the exception of the class I have to teach soon), and some structure and repetitive activities that keep me looking forward to the next time I'll be doing them. I've opened myself up and the risks are paying off, slowly but surely. I may not be able to see the stars most nights, but good grief, the sunsets are beautiful.
It just figures that I'd start to fill in the blanks just as I'm looking to wipe the slate clean and (maybe sooner than later) relocate to somewhere completely foreign to me. But that's another story for another time.
( /mush)