The Grand and Elaborate Story of Wig Man

So, at my favorite breakfast place, there is this dude we'll simply call "Wig Man" who comes in nearly every day. He gets a drink and then sits there and stares back into the kitchen at the people who work there. I'm know over half of the employees at said establishment so I hear all kinds of stories about him. He has all kinds of wigs and comical accessories, for his many looks (personalities perhaps?). Some of my favorites:

Old Man:
-Gray/greasy hair, balding of course.
-old guy glasses

The Dude:
-Dark brown hair
-aviator reading glasses that are (I SWEAR) painted in black/brown to make sunglasses.
-Usually wears this one while also wearing 3-4 shirts so he can increase his dudeosity/dudeliciousness at a moment's notice.

Rastafarian:
-Dreadlocks, but he likes to mix this one up by wearing it jauntily; perched slightly so it tilts a little to the left.
-Painted on mustache (possibly painted on with shoe polish, which, I suspect, is also what he used on his shades).
-He usually carries several plastic bags filled with mystery items when he wears this one.

Vaudeville:
-Fake nose/mustache attached to glasses. Yes, I'm serious.

Seeing all these great get ups led me to an idea. I bought a wig at Wal-Mart from their Halloween section right now, and last week, when he was in the bathroom making one of his many costume changes, I slipped it into the seat he likes to be in.

Today, I was rewarded with my new favorite look:

The Joe-Dirt:
-Blond Mullet
-Painted sunglasses
-Rolled up pant legs (imagine someone rolling up the cuffs before wading in ankle deep water)
-Clip on gold hoop earring.

Score one for wig man: He made me laugh until I couldn't breathe.