What?

I found out last night, my cousin is pregnant with her second child. I'm calling here, that it will be a boy. That's how it happens in my family. You have a girl, then 4 years later, you have a boy. Her due date is expected to be her daughter's birthday. Nice timing.

My aunt had called us with the exciting news. After talking to her, I asked to speak with my uncle to ask him something. He pops on the phone and says this:

"Hey! That's pretty exciting news, huh? I guess in a few years, it'll be your turn!"

I paused.

WHAT?

All the people in my immediate family are either much older than me, or much younger. I got the shaft on the playmate end as a kid. I was an only child, and the only one under 18 when I was born. Now, I'm 22 and they're all in their 30's and 40's, 50's, and 60's or under 10. I didn't see his point.

"In a few years, you'll be up to have kids." He said, now feeling ackward (or so it sounded)./

"Um, I guess..." I started, then I did some math. In a few years, I will be the age that most of my cousins have been when they started having kids. "Oh, crap" I finished.

My uncle laughed heartily at that one.

Thank's for pissing in my cheerios Mother Nature!

(Just kidding. I don't believe in following anyone's timeline but my own)

It was just really strange how the timing of this news worked out. I wrote this big long entry yesterday about stuff I've been feeling, and finally, upon review, chickened out of posting it. Then this happens. WHOOPS.

Sliding The Slip

Had anyone seen the Wal-Mart commercials for that ginormous balloon-slide that ends in a mini pool?


View Here


I've walked past it one too many times since they placed it on display (a HUGE display I might add). So tonight, when no one was looking, I WENT DOWN THE SLIDE.

It was awesome.

I want one. First I'll have to buy a bigger yard.

Mystery Solved

"Do you remember your baby list?" Nikki, asked.

My mind is blank for a milisecond, then, much like lightning what she's talking about flashes into my head. I immediately blush.

"Yes. I remember, but not all the details." I reply. "Why do you ask?"

"Because my nine year old daughter is sitting on the floor in her room, doing that very thing."

"Kids these days" I say, shaking my head. "I didn't do that until I was atleast 15"

She gives me a look, and nudges me down the hall to her room.


The baby list, aka the "If I Marry..." list is a secret collection of names kept in one's diary. Typically, it looks like this:

"If I marry ___________________ , our children will be _______ and ______"


It's generally kept under lock and key and your friends must DOUBLE pinky swear to even know who's made the cut and found a way onto your marriage wishlist. In fact, I'm not even sure how Nikki knew I had one. Maybe she had one and just assumed.

I remember making my embarrassing list with my friend Jamie, our freshman year in high school. We had the greats like, Taylor Hanson, Nick Carter (well, I had him anyway), David Justice (of Atlanta Braves fame), the fabulous Cameron H. (he had such gorgeous blue eyes) and the infamous rocker-boy from our high school Jeremy V.

I knock on the door to the nine-year old's room and after I had closed and locked the door under her watchful eye, I joined her on the floor.

"What have you got there?" I ask.

She gives me a guarded look, not sure whether she should let me see what she's writing, but my honest eyes, and encouraging smile must have won her over. She handed me the list.

I began reading it, and by the time I was finished, my eyes were watering, fighting to keep the tears of laughter at bay. I tell her she's picked some fabulous names and when she decides, to keep me posted. Then, I get up to leave, because if I stay in there one more minute, I'm probably going to scar her for life by laughing like a hyenia. After closing her down and creeping down the hall (her younger brother is asleep) I catch Nikki's eye and motion for her to come outside with me where we can talk.

As soon as the door is closed behind us, I catch the worried look on her face and lose it. I bent and the waist, and buried my face in my hands as I start laughing uncontrollably.

"What? What is it?!" Nikki urges me.

"I don't think you have to worry about what's on her list anytime soon." I reply "She's making a list of names for her My Little Pony dolls. Apparantly the blue one's pregnant."

The color returns to Nikki's face and I can tell she's relieved. Finally she says

"Well, that's a relief. I thought that I was going to wind up with a grandchild named 'Majesty Rain'".

I thought about scanning and posting my list (it's in the back of an ooooold diary) but then I realized that I didn't have time to pinky-swear everyone in before they read the list.

The Funnies

In my hometown, Wednesday was always the day the newspaper printed. The town was too small, and I suppose, there wasn't enough news, or crime, to constitute a daily paper, like most cities. I remember, in high school, every Wednesday, I'd drive up to Food City after school and buy a newspaper and bring home the 'big salad' for my mom and myself for dinner. I'd sit at the table or in the couch (usually the couch though) and eat my big salad, and read the "911 report" aloud. The 911 report was just what it sounds like. A print out of the previous week's 911 calls, published in the paper on the third page. This, by far was better than any entertainment television could provide (I didn't have internet * gasp*) and I looked forward to it every Wednesday. So, I give you:

The 911 Report

Keep in mind that you have to dig through a lot of mediocre reports to find the real gems. I dug through and found that these made me giggle:

7:07 a.m. – Caller from Williamsport advised her concrete steps were stolen. (Must have been a trailer?)

2:49 p.m. – Report of male subject in black pickup at Mayo Plaza exposing himself and engaging in sexual behavior.

8:04 a.m. – Report of burglary on Third St. Caller found window broken and napkin with blood on it. (OMINOUS)

11:36 a.m. – Caller advised her son, 53, had gone walking three days ago and was now missing. Subject has black hair and brown eyes and was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.

(Then Also):

6:55 p.m. – Caller from Rt. 40 location advised they had received a call from the missing subject's mother, advised subject had called them from Tobacco Mart.

6:09 a.m. – Caller at Rt. 172 reported a possibly intoxicated male subject was beating on her door, requesting gas and a cigarette.

2:54 p.m. – Caller advised a lawnmower went over a hill at Noah Stapleton Br.; wrecker and traffic control needed.

9:39 a.m. – Caller at Chandler Dr. advised cat was stuck in tree. Dispatch advised caller the fire department doesn't help with that anymore.

12:25 a.m. – Report of house fire at Greasy Br. (Name of Branch made me think this was funny)

12:01 a.m. – Caller advised two male subjects yelled to his Chelsea Square Apts. residence, stating they were Paintsville Police and were investigating stolen goods

I think the one about the cat may be my favorite. I wonder why they don't do it anymore? It's not like they're horribly busy, I would think. It's a small town.

Who knows? If they go over well, I may just start putting them in every Wednesday.

Five O' Clock

I can't wait for you. Come to me now!!I'm closing two hours early this week. I want to go home so bad. *Sigh* I'm so lazy.Entries will have more substance soon. Have faith. I've just had a rough/busy week. And right now, I'm being driven insane by a 75 year old woman.

Reunited

I just found a pair of shoes I spent a huge chunk of time trying to find this weekend. I left them at work :P In fact, I just came across 3 pairs of shoes and two shirts. I think it's time to clean out my office again.

Apology

I'd like to publicly (and not so publicly) apollogize to someone for something I did, or rather, didn't do last night.
I'm so sorry.

I feel like polyester pants in the summertime. Really horrible.

I'll make it up to you, I promise.


Forgive me?

Hooky

I played hooky today.

Technically I have 5 minutes left of work. That's ten hours of my life I decided not to waste today.


To avoid a long explanation, I'll just say that I am my own boss and didn't mind one bit when I called in this morning.

I promise, I'm not being lazy. It's a long story.

I may not go tomorrow. Depends on how I feel when I get up.



Party on.