If I Owe You One, Please Take Your Pick

I'm stumped. While I remember what I had planned on telling you, please enjoy these classic insults from Bore Me:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies , but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder

Double Edged

If you've ever had all the air sucked from your lungs and the rug pulled out from beneath your timid feet-all in the same day-then you might know what it's like to be in this head, this week. Things aren't right, and I'm not sure when they'll be getting back to normal. And I'm not even allowed to be sad. Instead I'm told to smile when I feel like screaming. To be happy when I want to cry. To take it, when I've had 'alls I can stand and I can't stands no more'. But I suck it up, and do it anyway...because that's what being an 'adult' is all about: Doing crap you don't want to do.

It's getting warm and the first trickles are starting to slide down the ice castle. Hopefully winter will be here soon.

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It's Fall, in case you haven't noticed these past four weeks. Our favorite. Time for holding hands and dancing through the falling leaves, sipping hot cocoa under the stars, costumes and one too many pumpkins to carve. Time for baking cookies with your girlfriends and the world falling away the moment you hear the voice of the one you love (and just maybe, being in the same room). For bright, music-filled days and quiet moonlit nights. For caring.

To me, Fall has always been the antitheses of what most people percieve it to be. The end of one time and the beginning of another, better season. It's a time to start over....to shed your skin and to try harder, to do this time better than the last. To have something other than a restless sleep again. Time to learn from your mistakes and bring from them a little wisdom and a lot of patience. The best things do take time. I'm being pretty patient, but not as patient as I could be. It's time to shed that summer skin and slip into Fall...and slow down a little. To start over.

Hi.

Someone Get Me A Time Machine, Stat

It's been one hell of a week, no?

YES.

Wonder Why?

So far today:

-I overslept and was 40 minutes late for work
-But I wound up staying over for an hour because the truck (the reason my job was created) broke down and came at 1:55...5 minutes before I leave.
-I bruised my index finger
-The boss that's been off for 3 weeks is going to be off yet another week. More work for me.
-The truck driver told me I had a 'nice rack'.
-I ripped a hole in the thigh of my new pants (on a nail or something)
-I walked into a dumpster.
-Yeah, no idea how I did that either.


Friday the 13th? I think so!

Teaser

Just a teaser. I'm sick...I'll write about this later

I've been neglecting this blog and The Internets in general lately and instead attempting to use my newfound 'free' time playing catch up in the areas I've been putting off (and also, I've had nothing to say). Thanks to this, I'm in a slightly better mood and I've gotten several things accomplished.

Charm Me

-If you ask me what the pockets on my apron are for and I randomly pull out a plastic banana and you don't look at me like I'm nuts, and instead laugh and tell me a story about you and a magic apple, I know we will be friends. But even joking about nicknaming me "A-nizzle" is not funny, yo.

-If, within five minutes of meeting me, you look up at me with those big blue eyes, smile, and lean in for a kiss I will instantly fall in love with you....even if your mouth is still coated with the Gerber slimey green beans your mom just fed you.

-If you double over with laughter when I say in my best AC/DC "Girls Got Rhythm" style voice "You gotta lock it to rock it baby!" and then tell me how your husband is a dirty perv I will probably realize that I may have underestimated you. Also, to stay away from your husband at the Christmas party.

-If you tell me that you're ringtone for me is "Don't Worry Be Happy" I will be happy indeed, after the giggling stops.