Year In Review

We here at the SCLD feel 2005 was a year of many things, some good, some bad, and as the old saying goes, some ugly. So, in honor of the fast approaching new year, and the fact that the bosses are out with clients and I have zip to do, here's a look back at the year that shook the blog.

January: J & M took the leap into wedded bliss, The invention of Cowboy-Pirates,
February: The Best-Friend showdown,
March: Spring fever, and FHS (Fragile Heart Syndrome)
April: The Pope died, Learned how to operate a lightsaber
May: The BJE (Best Job Ever) Disappeared, I rediscovered how simple things actually could be
June: J&M Left me all by my lonesome, Followed by the first visit to scary-town afterwards, discovery that when all the stripclubs are out of the equation, scary-town isn't so scary after all.
July: Falling down the stairs sucks.
August: August 4th=Worst day I've ever had. Period.
September: Pirate day,
October: More memes than you can shake a stick at, and really cute shoes
November: Two guestbloggers, a car accident, and people spotting.
December: Best preamble to the best 2006 anyone could possibly ask for.

I've Lived In This Town For Far Too Long

Today, I greeted a family friend who had her grandchild out for the day thusly:

"Hi (name)! Lovely to see you!" then proceeded to say:
"And there's that pretty granddaughter!"

Only I didn't say 'pretty'. Nope, not me. I said "Purdy". I'm not sure what bothered me more, the fact I had said it, or the fact that it went unnoticed.

I think I died a little inside today. Now, I must go read the dictionary.

I Have Plenty of Things to Tell You, But Absolutely Nothing To Say

...But absolutely nothing to say.

-Is it EVER going to snow? At this rate, this may be the very first year that the world isn't snowed in on my birthday. A-MAZING. Guess where I was thinking (and when I say thinking, I mean..thought of but won't be brave enough to do) of going on my 'special day'? Skiing. Hmm...

-I'm officially a bridesmaid. Let the dress-stress begin.

-To make a very long boring story much shorter, with less calories and the same great taste, I missed Christmas completely. For the first time in my almost 23 years, no Christmas Eve party or Christmas day with the family. It felt really strange..I was really upset the first day, but by the second, it wasn't so bad.

-I don't suppose anyone knows anything about laptop battery packs, do they? I'm assuming here, but I don't think they're supposed to scorch you if you touch them while plugged in. Am I right? Also, they aren't supposed to get so hot that they shut themselves down either huh? Twelve days into my warranty-free living and *boom* mysterious overheating worries me. Maybe I just need to turn lappy off once in a while. That would probably help....

-100 yards away from my doorstep, there is a house. Attached to that house, is a garage. Inside that garage, is a garage band. And in that garage band is the loudest set of drums I have ever heard. I really hope they're just learning to play, because I'm pretty sure giggling isn't the reaction they would like to get from their audience.

-My head is still very much up in the clouds, and I have been able to think of little else than a few very specific events lately. This is, in part* where the 'nothing to say' comes in. Mum's the word. Or Papadopoulos, if you're feeling eccentric.

*The other part being that I'm boring.

Serenity Now

So far this morning....

-I broke the heel on my gorgeous purple boots
-Fell out bed (and it's high)
-Lost two Christmas gifts

And the kicker....
-Turned down breakfast due to a little naseua, at which point, the mother figure stops short and exclaims: "You aren't pregnant are you?!" to which I said "Do I LOOK pregnant?" Her response? "Well you have put on a couple pounds." Thanks a lot mom, but those extra five (okay, ten) pounds are the result of unemployment and ice cream. Ugh.

So in honor of my classy morning, here's wishing you all a Happy Festivus!

I was sort of dreading the airing of greivances, but I think now I'll enjoy the 'Feats of Strength'.

But seriously, I'll get the boot repaired, my elbow hardly hurts anymore, I'll find the gifts, and I'll be working so hard come tax season (January 1) that those last ten will be but a distant memory. And the whole time, I'll still be over the moon.

I Feel THe Earth Move

I keep pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Waking up and going through the day in a daze, on autopilot. Things and people and places are just a nuisance I take with a smile until I can get back to something good. Thinking about the future freezes time in the now. It's going to be wonderful, 2006. Going to be so different, I'm almost afraid of it. Almost. I can't wait to lend that cup of sugar.

Today is the official first day of winter. As I've mentioned before (and since had confirmation of the theory), winter is magical. Everything goes soft, quiet. It is a time to stop and think; to be still. Snow and candlelight and holiday cheer mixed with a piping hot coffee or hot chocolate held in between gloved hands is a slice of something wonderful. Winter is a good excuse (not that one is needed) for world-falls-away dreamy-eyed stares across a room, impromptu cheek-to-cheek slow dancing, and private fire-side cuddling.

So in honor of all this magic, why don't you go grab someone and celebrate Romance Awareness month early, make your own little piece of heaven. You can even do it Yo La Tengo style.

Toss It Out Like Monkeys From A Barrel

Lately, I've been feeling a little like this:

...But I've managed to avoid bursting through walls and yelling out the best kept secret in the history of best kept secrets...enough about that!

Hmm...let's see...This weekend only added to the 'Best Week Ever' declaration. On Saturday, I was lucky enough to catch the majority of the UK/Louisville basketball game. I must say, it was fantastic. Coach Pitino gave me my first first-hand account of a technical foul. Oh boy, do I wish I had been there for that! The look on his face was priceless. The game, coupled with a great phone conversation (mostly the conversation really) made my day.

Sunday's party came and went without any trauma. I ended up having only two kids, which I was particularly happy about. Being the football fans they are, they ended up sprawled in my living room floor watching a few different games while the adults were chatting in the kitchen. I read the Sunday paper. Everything went according to plan and turned out much easier than I had anticipated.

Afterwards I spent quite a chunk of the evening thinking. I think I have my New Years resolutions all set, and this year I'm really looking forward to completing them all. I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to cross every last thing off of my list.

Meanwhile, if anyone knows the cure-all method for ridding one's mind of the "Theme Song From Love Boat" (whatever it's called) please...well, please don't pass it along. I kind of like the motive behind it's appearance.

...As Visions of Sugarplums Dance In Their Heads

(Hmm...'sugarplum' would make a good nickname for someone....not that I'm planning on using it one anyone specific, mind you. Just thinking out loud.)

Best friend's engaged!

And on a completely unrelated (well there's a little relating going on) note,

I'm …

Well, I'm happy. Ecstatic even. Over the moon. You get the idea.

Best. Week. Ever.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go back to staring off (dreamily) into space.

Random Thoughts

I didn't feel like putting any thought into how I flow tonight (not that I ever do, I'm as clumsy with words as a baby deer on ice) so please enjoy a few Random Thoughts:

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Today I received a phone call from an old friend's mom. She had called me up to thank me for the nice card I'd sent her, but her real motive was to chide me about what I'd written in the card.

"Here's wishing you a very happy, fruitfilled Holiday Season"
-Amelia

She couldn't help laughing, being the retired AP English teacher that she is. I took it in stride, giving an embarrassed giggle and a "whoops! Sorry about that" to her. We exchanged a few more words before hanging up and going about our days....

Just wait until tomorrow when the ginormous fruit basket I sent her finally gets there.

Oh how I love a corny, poorly-timed joke!

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The rump-shaking hypnotic beat of Madonna's "Hung Up" has been dancing around(in a polyester suit) in my brain all day. Not since ZZ Top's "Legs" has a song played at 5am caused me to dance around like a fool, hot rollers in hair, toothbrush in hand. Oh Madonna! Didn't you know I try to avoid all hip gyration before 7am? I hadn't even had my first dose of caffeine yet.

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I have in my possession more recipes (and more home decorating/improvement magazines) than any (single) lady my age should have (especially one who still hasn't flown the coop) (PARENTHESIS!). I discovered this today, when my mother informed me I would be responsible for throwing a mini-party for some people she works with (and thier families) (Bleh) THIS WEEKEND. SUNDAY. (2(bleh))

So, I think I have what I'll make for the 'big people' that day, but I'm a little perplexed about the little ones. We all know I dig kids, especially the kind I can play with and give back, but I'm not very versed in little boys. That's what I'm getting on Sunday-all boys. Keeping them entertained for two hours is going to be a little tricky. I've got legos and a train set (Shut up! Only the Legos are mine) to keep the little guys for a while, but I must ask, What does one do with 10-14 year old boys? A couple of them always tell me that they're 'into whatever I'm into' but that doesn't really help because I'm 'into' not being with 10-14 year old boys on a Sunday. I've tried to think up something awesome for them to do, but the best I could come up with was a decorate your own cookie bar, but even I realized how lame that would sound to that age boy. Video games are also out after the Live! Nude! Women I discovered after they'd gone last time. That leaves me with Scrabble, or some Jackass-style jumps out of my second story windows, though the preliminary tests didn't go well. I'd assume a 100-or-so pound kid wouldn't smush as easily as a cantaloupe though, right? Any suggestions?

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Opening up the Spam Box:

Lance Hines writes: "We promiss to get you laid tonight"

My response:

Dearest Lance,

Even though I would have totally said no anyway (I'm apalled at the thought!), I see it's now 11:30 pm. As there is only half an hour before the aforementioned tonight is over, I think you failed miserably. Promiss' Promiss'

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And now, some math:

1) 10 page letter(written at light speed)=Hand Spasm

2) Hot Chocolate Bubble Bath + Large steaming quantity of water^2 = Temptation to lick one's own arm

3) Real Hot Chocolate + Drinking while staring at the snow through a window(Christmas tree reflection)= Nice.

The Breakdown

Heels: Broken in
Ice: Only 'almost fell' once
File System: Began
Number of times I cringed at finding a questionable item left by the former me: 3
Coffee: Fetched twice
Time it took the 3 associates to shorten my name: Before I made it in.
Number of new nicknames I now possess: 3
Number of new nicknames I can stand: Less than one

Punching yourself in the face in front of the most important person you'll be seeing there: Hilarious.

All in all, not horrible.

I'll Always Come Back

Last night I dreamt that my heart left me. Flew right out of my chest, billowy white wings pumping just as fast as they could go, right up into the wild blue yonder. I tried to snatch it, jumping as high as my legs would allow, each time stopping millmeters shy of my goal. Eventually I just collapsed (I imagine that's what happens when you lose your heart) and lay in the grass until I could see it no longer.
I woke up eyes puffy, with tear tracks on my cheeks, and nauseous. I wonder what it all means...

...Meanwhile, if anyone knows how to get my crazy phone to quit telling me I have messages waiting I'll give you every dollar in my bank account. Well, okay, no I wouldn't, but I would give you every cookie in my kitchen. The blinking light is really starting to bother me.

Oops

Woah. I sure hopped up on my soapbox last night. Then I did one of those clumsy druken stagedives right back off. Badly drawn rant. Oh well. That'll just teach me not to blog while medically intoxicated.

An Explanation, And Then Two Letters

The Explanation:

Ralphie and the pink stays until Christmas has passed-unless I change my mind. After Christmas I'll go back to something a little more unisex (UGH! I hate that word), or at least, less pink.

Letter One:

Dear 95.5 FM,

Before I get down to business let me say you are my most favorite radio station. EVER. I've grown up with you man, and I gotta say I heart you (hard).
But lately, you've change. You're still great during the day, still let Paul Harvey tell us like it is three times a day, but sometimes (read: most of the time) at night, you change. Suddenly you are no longer that awesome "best of the 90s mix" I remember so well. No, when the big 5:00 rolls around you shift into overdrive. But...RAP!!!? WHY!!!!!????
I know that I now live where even the chicest of geeks are blasting "Big Pimpin'" through speakers so large they occupy an entire trunk, who wear their pants around their thighs and who have as many gangsta' leans as Tyra Banks has model walks, but come on!
What's up, yo?
Have you forgotten your roots? Forgotten that our town's biggest exports are lumber and bluegrass music? Doesn't anybody care about you anymore? Is this a cry for attention or are you being rebellious because mom wouldn't let you go to Hooters for your birthday this year? Get over it kid. Dad isn't coming back and you know it. YOU KNOW IT!!

In conclusion, stop being a dumbass, and play some tunes!

Still hearting you (hard)(for now),
Amelia

Letter Two:

Dear Winter:

Hurry Up!

Love,
Amelia

The Ball Is In Motion

Hello Folks (Y'all), have a seat. What's new with you?

May. That's the plan. I have a little time line drawn in my planner and everything. Spring will have sprung, apartments scoured, current leases: obliterated. I'll be leaving, but I won't be going very far. I have tenatively decided where I'll be landing, but I'll keep that information close, for now. We all know how often my fickle mind changes. I was already elbow deep in location possiblities before I settled on what will for now, be referred to as 'mecca'.

I did something mysterious to my back yesterday, and now it seems I must go to great pains (both literal and figurative) to get comfortable. So as you can guess, I've done little of any importantance since it happend. Oddly enough, Brandon hurt his back yesterday as well, while at work, as well as someone else, whom I can't recall right now(sorry!). I've heard somewhere things happen in threes....I guess that really happens.

Some random tidbits:

-Peanut Butter and Jelly time*? No matter how hard I try, I absolutely cannot make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it's a fact. My ratios are all off. Baffling!

-Does anyone really understand "fancy" teeth ( I refuse to use the word "bling" under normal circumstances)? Do rappers have their real teeth taken out, resigning to wear some sort of jewel encrusted dentures for the rest of their lives, OR do they pick up one of these little numbers? I've actually encountered an average joe wearing these locally.

-Now that card season has come upon us, Miss Manners has been gracious enough to pass along her tips on how to avoid offending your recipients by way of common mistakes. As a person who used to get insulted (but now, after years of being adressed with the wrong last name, just has that 'glazed eye' look) I figured I'd pass the article on.

-I've realized recently (recently being in the last month or so) that when I speak to someone I'm slightly nervous to speak to (maybe for the first time, maybe someone I'm not too comfortable being around, etc) I sound completely idiotic. If you've spoken with me recently check for these signs:
-Excessive use of the word "like"
-Forced giggling (I assure you it wasn't really forced..just came out that way)
-"Nose talking"-thanks to my month long cold.
If these or any other strange occurances plagued one of our conversations, please know that it was just a fluke. I am not as stupid as I appeared. Ahh...that feels better.

*linked just for Mandy, but you can watch it too.