The Cheese Stands Alone

Sooo....is anyone else pleasantly surprised that Hee Haw is on this weekend?

No?

Oh. Go back to what you were doing then.

P.S.

Happy Half Birthday to me!

Yeah, it's lame but I seem to be having bad luck on my real birthday. The past couple of years, (this one especially) haven't gone well AT ALL. So hopefully celebrating at the half-way point will go better than before. Small party Tuesday (Thursday Afternoon) at the best Chinese place on earth. Hometown gossip and girl talk will be high on the list. YOU get gifts. Not me.

And since I didn't make it on my real birthday, I've got a wish all stored up and ready for making. Only, it's going to take a miracle for this one to come true. If it does, it'll be a nice surprise, but if not...let's just say I won't be holding my breath.

Now, if someone can get their hands on a bottle rocket, some pink bubbletape, and an old teen/tiger beat photo of Mark Paul Gosslar, you might make it the best first half birthday any girl could wish for.

Ughhhrhharhauuhh

Being sick is the WORST. Unless it's being sick AND flooded in.

So Relieved

Tuesday morning, I tracked down the phone number for my 95 year old Aunt Ruth. She is living with her daughter and their family and I really want to visit her soon (see: age). So I call and I get my cousin. He's 30 and has been a thorn in my side since we were kids. Let's take a short walk down memory lane:

Age 7: D trapped me in the bathroom at my aunt's house while everyone is outside and tells me that I can live off toothpaste and bathtub water for the 3 days it's going to take the locksmith to come let me out.

Age 9: D shot at me with a BB gun, yelling in his best Yosemite Sam voice "Dance Varmit!" and trying his darndest to shoot me.

Age 11: D waited quietly at the top of the "scary set" of stairs (there were 2) in my house while I fearfully climbed to the top. Just as I stepped onto the floor, D jumped out and screamed, going a little too far and wound up pushing me down a flight and a half of stairs. Injuries: You Bet.

After that my aunt moved to Ohio and I was free of the prankster. Until Tuesday. Tuesday he answered the phone and informed me that my aunt had died several weeks ago. I asked why no one had told me (or my other family memebers) and he casually suggested that maybe if we visited more often we would know these things, and basically hung up on me. I was shocked, and distraught. I cried all day, the guilt of not visiting the columbus area because I was afraid of the traffic hanging over my head. I'm sick about the whole thing.

Then yesterday, another aunt pops over and I tell her "Have you heard the news about Aunt Ruth?" and as I'm telling her what happened she stops me and says:

"She can't be dead. I talked to her Saturday."

vrrrp*

So yeah...my aunt isn't dead, and my cousin is an asshole. And I called and told him so.

"Donnie, I tip my hat to you my friend. You are the assholiest of all the assholes in assholia"

Arg.


*that record-stop sound when you have one of those "Say what?" kind of moments

(mush)

Going back 'home' is always so strange for me. It will always be home, but it will never be home again. I've only recently given up that little idea in the back of my mind that I would someday go back and sort of pick up where I left off. However, I went back last Thursday to spend some time with Tessa, and because I desperately needed a mini road trip. It's always nice to go back and be with people who are always happy to see you, and love you just as much now as the day they met you. If I hadn't moved away, I might never have realized just who those people were. Besides, seeing Crazy Nolan wouldn't be nearly as remarkable (and scary!) as it is now. But at the same time, it's weird to be left out of stuff you'd consider normal. This time I didn't really feel that...the first time in 5 years I didn't leave with that familar dull ache in my chest.
I think this is all due to the fact that I'm finally feeling comfortable with my life here. One of this year's resolutions was to 'learn to love the city I'm in before leaving) and I think I've begun to do just that. I'm up for a pretty sweet promotion at work, after only 6-7 weeks on the job. I've got projects on my plate that aren't related to anything I have to do regularly (with the exception of the class I have to teach soon), and some structure and repetitive activities that keep me looking forward to the next time I'll be doing them. I've opened myself up and the risks are paying off, slowly but surely. I may not be able to see the stars most nights, but good grief, the sunsets are beautiful.
It just figures that I'd start to fill in the blanks just as I'm looking to wipe the slate clean and (maybe sooner than later) relocate to somewhere completely foreign to me. But that's another story for another time.
( /mush)

Pirates and Hos

Last summer I taught best friend's 3 year oldson how to slide down the sort-of banister on their stairs. "Sort-of" meaning it's sort of an extention of the wall with a flat place great for sliding. When sliding down he'd yell out silly things like "Purple Dinosaur!" or "CominAtCha!" or something. So now, every time I visit home we play that game. It's always entertaining to get him to say weird stuff rather than a simple "whoo hoo" or "here I come!"

Today's phrase was "Yo Ho Ho". He yelled it a few times before we left to go out, and had forgotten the phrase when we came back, opting instead to call out "Rain go away!" as he slid.
He yelled out "-----* LOOK at me!!!" from the hall

I turned to him and said "I'm not looking until you say 'yo ho ho' again" before turning my back once more.

Seconds later, I heard the indistinguishable vrrp of a bare thigh sticking to wood and a small voice cried out:

"Yo Yo Ho!"

*the nickname I'm not partial to sharing

I called him "The Hamburgler" for the rest of the day

Today's Cute Picture brought to you by the letter "A"

For Andrew.

Because, that's his name.

Calling A Truce With Myself

Most people have that one person that they sort of measure themselves against in terms of success and where they want to be in life. The person they think they'd like to be like, whether it be real or imagined, a rockstar or a relative.

Since 8th grade my person has been a fairly close friend of mine, becoming a lot closer in recent years. So close in fact that she's now family as she married my cousin last winter. I share with her my love of road trips and all things girly, Virginia Woolf and AC/DC, corny jokes and stupid pranks (most at my cousin's expense), and so much more that I could fill a novel with this list. But, somehow she seemed to just be better at life than I was (am? I dunno) and for a long time that consumed me. But, a few years ago I had enough, and though it never actually left, I stopped letting it get to me.

We write one another weekly, the old fashioned, dying art kind of way (who doesn't love a letter!?) and last Thursday I was shocked and very pleased to find this line my correspondence:

I was so stunned that I just sort of stared for a while. Had I read that right? Eventually I decided that I had, and was in a word, giddy. I had finally lived up to.........................what?

She had never set these stupid imaginary goals for me. I had. And while I'm still very pleased that she's proud of me, and feel very lucky to have her in my life, I realize that I stopped caring about being the kind of person who measures how good her life is based on how similar to someone else's life she was a long time ago.

In essence, I'm waving the white flag on Independence Day.

Besides, if I looked at it from that angle, I'd be married (ehh...) to my cousin (UGH!!!)

*Shudder*

Whoops

Two quick things:

1) What is up with this warning sign? "Caution Hand will disintegrate"

2) Today I had to take a different way home due to my impatientence and a traffic jam. I thought I was going the right way and somehow I managed to wind up at Camden Park. Just when I thought I was finally over that whole 'gets lost easy' thing. I realized what I did wrong though. And it was a mini-adventure. Not so bad.

I Miss The Fireworks

(pre-note)
The First of July...woah. Someone put the breaks on this year.

(And now a more light-hearted post, better make it last!)

Hmm....Fridays are chock-full of actiony goodness lately.

Top 3 Things That Happened This APF:

3) Out of my three favorite radio stations today, one was all Pink Floyd, one was all AC/DC and one was all Elton John. But the last played my two most hated Elton songs.

2) My phone freaked out mid-conversation with TLB and picked up someone else's call. The someone else in question is that kid who got the drum set for Christmas (He's doing very well, btw) and he was TOTALLY getting dissed by some little girl. The exchange:

Him: "...So yeah, hey aren't you Emily C----'s friend?"

Her: "Um, I have to go!"

Poor kid. But that does explain why my phone keeps hanging up on people. Sorry if you're in that bunch.

And the Number One Reason, (or why I'll scream in my sleep for years to come!):

1) My boss (the hillbilly) totally showed me his ass today. I was doing some paperwork and he was all "here's my ass!" about the whole thing. He did it to prove to another person and myself that he was wearing a thong-like pair of underpants. I would like to point out that I was merely a pawn in their sick exchange. However everytime the other person passed me she had to "ribbit" and his erm..unmentionables had frogs on them. Great now I need ANOTHER shower.