Don't Tell Anyone I'm This Lame

Do you remember when you were a Teen Beat/Tiger Beat/etc teenager? Your room plastered with pictures of your favorite celebrity and band, doodling your names together instead of taking notes in class, dreaming up what your mansion would look like when you get married (because he was TOTALLY going to fall in love with you as soon as his eyes met yours across the room!)?

Or that summer, okay, you're not going to lie, that ENTIRE year, you spent practically every spare moment laying on your living room floor writing what would ultimately be a 322 page, handwritten book which began with you being in love with Andrew Keegan, then when the season, and your crush changed, Nick Carter whisked you off into the key west sunset (because apparently he bought you a house there) where you lived happily ever after?

Or being so embarrassed by your 'novel' in later years that, not being able to part with it, you stuck it in a waterproof bag and buried it, without your name on it of course, the week before you moved from your childhood home, along with your posters of Jonathan Brandis (the only reason to even watch Sea Quest over TGIF)?

Oh. You DON'T remember that? Yeah, me either.

Ouch

Last night, I dreamed HB told me he didn't love me anymore, and also that people at work kept calling in, thinking I wasn't the person answering the phone, telling me they weren't coming back to work until I quit/got fired. Waking up to that felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart, and left the knife in.

Then after discussing this with someone, they twisted it just a little bit.

Yesterday I gave myself a 4 inch long burn on my left forearm (underside). That burn doesn't hurt as much as the imagined stabbing.

Creepy Things

-Tessa's purse was stolen this morning right out of her truck while she was dropping her son off at preschool. As if that's not upsetting enough, the jerk who stole it had to have watched her go in enough times to figure out that she didn't lock her car door in the mornings. People are jerks! I would love a bottle of shoe polish and two minutes with no witnesses right now. His car would be mine.

-There's this gas station at the end of my road that I'm always hesitant to go to. I thought it was because it used to have a giant chicken statue outside, but now I realize, it's more than that. I went in tonight and realized why. It looks like one of those "Middle of no where" gas stations you'd see in a scary movie. Some guy named Clem behind the counter chewing tobacco with his good tooth. It's got wooden floors and dim lighting and a little like, home cooking restaurant inside complete with 3 sets of booths in a little "Eating area". Everyone seems to know everyone else to, and don't particularly care whether they want on the outsiders or not. It's the kind of place, if I were to enter while in a scary movie, I'd back out slowly saying "Know what? I think I can find it myself".

-Yesterday, on the way home from that seminar, I saw a guy about 1/4 of a mile away from my apartment, walking down the road. This in general isn't strange but it's usually someone exercising. This guy was just walking. I didn't think much of it, and went on home. About 30 minutes later I hear sirens of all sorts and there's a big ruckus going on just out of view of my windows. It lasts a while then dies down. Turns out, the guy I saw on the road walked out of range of his house and shot himself in the head beside the road. He was married with a nice house and family and he just walks down the road and shoots himself. I'm 99% positive that I wasn't, but I can't help but think, what if I was the last person who saw that guy alive? My road isn't that busy, so it's possible. I doubt I was, but still I got chills driving home tonight.

NaNo?

Does anyone else do NaNoWriMo? Just curious.

Love Personified

If Cupid and Aphrodite had a few too many cocktails and wound up having a kid, and that kid some day wound up winning American Idol, that kid would totally be Michael Buble.

School's In, Sucka!

Before I start, you need to know that I'm listening to MC Hammer-Specifically "Can't Touch This".

I know my job is new, but it's hard, yo. Seriously. So hard I've lost a pants size with all the running around, no time to eat stuff I do all day. So hard in fact that I've been contemplating finding a different one, but two factors have stopped me. I'm making more money now than I've ever made (which is kinda sad if you knew my salary), and also I feel obligated to stay because I got this job with a friend's influence as well as because I've known my bosses for a long time, since I lived here before so I really don't want to disappoint anyone. So, I've been kind of quiet at work, not wanting to connect with anyone or really make myself memorable in any way so that quitting would be less traumatic for us all. In the past few days, however this has changed. Everyone seems to be coming to me to talk, and my colleague told me her son (who also works with us, in a different section) told me her son loved me and would do anything for me. I don't think my plan is working like I thought it would.

Tomorrow I have to get up before the Roosters and drive to a hotel in Huntington to take a test for work. Then, in two weeks, work is putting me up at a hotel there so I can take a 3 day seminar where I'll get some ridiculous piece of paper that says I'm competent enough to do my job. The test looks so easy it's laughable (from the 200+ page book I just memorized) and 3 of the 4 main people I work with assure me that I'll do fine. One however, has gotten under my skin. Sunday he* looks as me and goes "I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you're gonna fail that test." which, didn't bother me at first, but then slowly it started to aggravate me, and by this afternoon when I went over to review with my boss, I was downright peeved. My boss already knew what happened and had told me not to worry. He sat with us for a bit while we reviewed, and before he left the room he clapped me on the shoulder and said "Don't worry, you'll do fine" then made a "Yeah right!" face at my boss. She looked at me, raised an eyebrow and started to speak but I cut her off.

"Okay, NOW I'm getting a 100% just for spite." I said.

"That's my girl." she said. "Welcome back."

*the job I took was that of his mistress, whose husband had forced her to quit, because he suspected she was cheating on him! oops.

Nerdy Rant

As most of you know (since I've complained about this on more than one occasion) my firefox has a bad habit of getting mad at me for my need to bookmark nearly every website I've ever been to in case I ever need to go back (90% of the time I don't). Firefox is all

"Another **** site? You'll never ever be able to read all of them!" (which, HB has said to me before as well, minus the cursing).

while I'm all:

"Yes huh firefox! And just for that I'm going to mark that site about the care and maintenance of Unicorns in case HB buys me one for Christmas! *mark*"

So firefox sulks and basically lays in wait until I shut my laptop down and then come back later. When I'm back, fight forgotten, apparently firefox is back too, all bookmarks forgotten.

This has happened, oh, 8 or 10 times now. But this time was different! I remembered the power of google and went to work. After a search that took all of 10 seconds, I found this article on recovering your marks. I made it as far as locating the bookmarks and opened them in my browser. After that point, the instructions completely lost me, however I did manage to simply drag and drop the links back into my folder. All that's left is to separate them.

Just thought I'd pass that along in case it ever happens to you. Might want to email it to yourself though, because........................well, you know.

3 Things

-My laptop will turn 3 this December I JUST NOW hooked my printer up to it. You know what I had to do? Plug in the USB. That's it. Computers: Smart. Amelias: Lazy.

-Update on Wig Man! This morning I was drinking some sort of coffee/milkshake (I was desperate) concoction that I'm becoming quite fond of, when wig man appeared. He sat down in his usual spot and I went and got the umbrella he left behind the day before, from my friend who works at the breakfast place. I gave it to him and said
"I believe you left this yesterday" , to which he replied, "Thank you very much" and I went about my business. A few minutes later, I hear my friend laughing from her work post and I look up from my magazine to see her pointing at Wig Man and wiping tears from her eyes. I look up, and he's staring at me (he must've found some way to get the shoe polish off his glasses because they were normal today) with the oddest look on his face. My friend called me from where she was standing and between laughs she exclaimed: "It's LOVE!" to which I replied "Or a simple case of indigestion."

-My mom was in her physical therapy session today when I came home. Her PT kept complaining about his "bad elbow" and "that elbow I had to have worked on" bothering him because it rained... yesterday. Um, shouldn't he get some physical therapy for that? Or better yet, rub some dirt on it.

News

Sooo...*cough* One of my party planning articles is potentially going to be published in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. It's Halloween themed, so if you live in the area, keep an eye out this week.

This year has been great from the writing perspective. First on the internet, then on the radio, now, in print.

NEAT!

The Grand and Elaborate Story of Wig Man

So, at my favorite breakfast place, there is this dude we'll simply call "Wig Man" who comes in nearly every day. He gets a drink and then sits there and stares back into the kitchen at the people who work there. I'm know over half of the employees at said establishment so I hear all kinds of stories about him. He has all kinds of wigs and comical accessories, for his many looks (personalities perhaps?). Some of my favorites:

Old Man:
-Gray/greasy hair, balding of course.
-old guy glasses

The Dude:
-Dark brown hair
-aviator reading glasses that are (I SWEAR) painted in black/brown to make sunglasses.
-Usually wears this one while also wearing 3-4 shirts so he can increase his dudeosity/dudeliciousness at a moment's notice.

Rastafarian:
-Dreadlocks, but he likes to mix this one up by wearing it jauntily; perched slightly so it tilts a little to the left.
-Painted on mustache (possibly painted on with shoe polish, which, I suspect, is also what he used on his shades).
-He usually carries several plastic bags filled with mystery items when he wears this one.

Vaudeville:
-Fake nose/mustache attached to glasses. Yes, I'm serious.

Seeing all these great get ups led me to an idea. I bought a wig at Wal-Mart from their Halloween section right now, and last week, when he was in the bathroom making one of his many costume changes, I slipped it into the seat he likes to be in.

Today, I was rewarded with my new favorite look:

The Joe-Dirt:
-Blond Mullet
-Painted sunglasses
-Rolled up pant legs (imagine someone rolling up the cuffs before wading in ankle deep water)
-Clip on gold hoop earring.

Score one for wig man: He made me laugh until I couldn't breathe.

Whew!

I have to start by saying, it's been a helluva month. First, with the mysterious arrival of my mother, and the starting of the new job. Which, incidentally, I hate, but not in that "with every fiber of my being" kind of way. It has it's moments. I can say I only work with one sane person though. A guy named J.D.,who has fallen so far down a beer bottle I don't think that, at his 5'9" he'll be finding his way out any time soon. Did I mention he just turned 21? Fun times.

But, back to the job itself. It's a fine job, if you're willing to work with people who are wild; uncensored. These people have no shame about what comes out of their mouth. Dirty jokes and sexual innuendos flow like water from the cooler. For future reference, teasing me with "Bend over and wait" at 5am is not nearly as charming as it is at 8am. And, at 8am, it's as charming as a lumberjack skating in the winter Olympics. Fabulous.

I took the job as a sort of favor for someone I used to know, before I moved. Now, I'm sort of regretting it. :p I'm grumpy.

Promises, Promises

Update today, after I wake up (again). Also, I'll catch up on you. Promise.

Update

Just a quick note to say I'm not dead, but I feel like I am. I started the blasted new job this week, and I'm working 55+ work weeks, and trying to keep up with the writing gig, and on Tuesday my mom came home from rehab to stay with me for an indefinite amount of time (though,when I answered the door on Monday and found some dude there to deliver a bed for her, I figure it's going to be a while) I'm a little stressed. I'll catch up on Sunday, most likely.


Here's hoping you guys have a better weekend that I will!

Oy.