Spamalot

I'm missing Apple Day as we speak. In the words of Lucy....Waaaahhhh.

I'm also in the middle of a cleaning spree. This time the easy clean ups simply won't do. So, in celebration of procrastination, it's time for another edition of:

Opening the Spam Mailbag

On the job front, my spam tells me I could:

-Own my own dollar store

-Get paid to eat and shop
-Split a profitable business with someone named 'Kal'
-Get paid to spend time with my kids (something tells me I do not qualify for this one)

I could:
-Buy the finest men's pants at department store prices
-Walk with Regis on the red carpet
-Earn 700 million this year
-Find money I didn't know I had...now.
-Win a yard makeover
-Have a medical career in less than a year



-On the superhero front, someone named "Bullet" has hinted that I may have superhuman abilities.
I do...but not the kind I'm going to go public with. Really now, a girl has to have her privacy!

Social Messages
-'Tom' asks "Did you hear about Steven?"
-Geffen asks if I 'Want to let people know about my personal life'
-Robert G. Allen asks if I have what it takes to be wealthy. (Oh I do Robert, I do.)

-Giancarlo says 'Hello'

So many messages so little time. Technically, I didn't procrastinate though. I cleaned out my old email. Good for me.

Strange Happenings Part 2

First, last night's weird chain of events, then today got even wierder. It started off at the grocery store. I was picking up a birthday cake for this weekend's quiet festivies, and as I'm putting my things in the backseat of my car, this weird guy pops up out of nowhere and says "Can I give you a hand with that?" in what I would consider a creepy voice. I just said the casual "I'm good, thanks" as I turned back to my car, and mentally prayed he wouldn't stab me. He said nothing else, so I figured he'd left, but I didn't dare look. I grabbed the last bag and tossed it in my car, and as I turned to take my buggy back, I saw that creepy guy had beaten me to it. So, before he could come back, I jumped in the car and took off.

Then, after I came home, I got 4, maybe 5 hang-uppy phone calls, and then I got an email from "Nobody" that simply said "adf". What's going on? Am I being called out by some weird force? Things are starting to look very X-Files..... Which reminds me, Monday some guy behind the Salvation Army tried to flag my car down, in what appeared to be an attempt at selling the contents of their dumpster. He had those crazy-man glazed eyes and practically jumped out in front of me. I could see him yelling something and pointing at the dumpster, but have no clue what he said. Oh well.

Strange Happenings

Around 11:20 or so this evening someone knocked on my door, twice. By the time I had went down to investigate, the perp was gone. Then, around 1am on the dot, as I'm getting ready to go to my bedroom, my doorbell rings, twice. It's too late for anyone who I would possibly consider looking for and frankly, I always feel vulnerable in my pjs (I dunno why either) so I ran to throw on more clothes. That probably didn't take 30 seconds. As I'm heading down the stairs to see who it was that time, I hear the dogs start to freak out. My Butch (the neighbor dog I claim) was outside, and he RARELY barks, never at anyone he knows unless he wants them to hurry up. This discouraged my going down to investigate mentality. Instead I called my mommy. She just basically told me I was being silly and suggested if I'm really scared to go put one of the kitchen chairs under the doorknob. I tried, but my chairbacks I guess, are made funny because they aren't tall enough to wedge under there. So, I just pushed it as close as I could and hoped the rug would catch it. I'll probably be sleeping at the top of my stairs tonight. I'm such a baby.

And I'm Tired Of This Town Again

Hits and Missses

Hit:
-Tom Petty Mix in the mail

Miss:
-Botched hair

Hit:
-What Remains came out today

Miss:

-Failing to track it down so far. I really should use Amazon more often.

Hit:

-Clean laundry

Miss:

-Shower all but floods bathroom floor and the still hot from the dryer towels must be used to clean up.

Hit:
-FINALLY have a decent vacuum that's light enough to carry upstairs

Miss:
-Dumping 'bagless' contents on floor as how to remove the canister is being figured out.

Hit:

- Cool Rain

Miss:
-Purse in puddle.

I'm a clumsy clumsy lady today. Good thing I'm not a surgeon.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

    In an attempt to happily embrace what was left of the weekend, this morning I coerced a couple of friends with promises of homecooking, to come over and play 1000 Blank White Cards, the game I mentioned a few days ago. We had lunch, watched a little mid-day NFL stuff (I have no clue what it was...I don't follow the big guys) then settled in to play. I'm only going into this (now boring) detail because I know a few people have expressed interest in the game, so I'm kind of using this point for reference. Anyway, here's what we did:

We started off with a pile of halved blank index cards, just as most directions say to. Knowing that at least one of the friends I had invited isn't too keen on 'creative' exercise, I threw together a few ideas in a basket on folded scrap paper that they could pull out at will for an idea boost. I had also laid out a few things to use if someone wanted to make some sort of challenge cards. Couple that pair with a surplus of markers, pens, colored pencils, glue sticks, and stickers, and things turned out very well. We listened to music, drank a couple girly drinks, and had a ball. As the other directions say, it's virtually impossible to keep a 'real' score, unless you make the game entirely fun-free, so we just decided on who won by whose cards made us laugh the most. Counting myself, four people played, but I think that at least 6 people for next time, would triple the play. Viva La Next time!

These Walls

So I did it. I finally got up the nerve to do it. No friends. The perceptive ones gathered this from Thursday night, but the rest of you have officially been painted a picture. I thought that this would feel worse. Don't get me wrong, it feels bad, I assure you, but not as bad as I had fearfully forseen it to be last month. Maybe it's because I've been thinking it for weeks. Been plodding different scenarios through my brain, waiting for the right one to show itself. It never came, so I took the plunge. I said everything I meant to say the first time, but didn't have the nerve. Saying, what I thought I'd never be able to say. It's finally finished the way I started out needing it to. Closure is good.


So, now what?





My Grandma used to have ceramic bright yellow cartoonish flowers on the kitchen wall, right next to the sink, I read them everytime I went into the kitchen. They said:

Stop and Smile

Spread Some Cheer

Let's be happy

While we're here.

She also had a skillet hanging above them, that someone had painted. She had burnt the skillet horribly right after she and my grandpa had gotten married. She kept it as sort of a learning device. Years later she had it painted and this message printed on it:

"Don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happend"

I'm going to continue sitting with my hand over my mouth and my eyes closed for a while, then I have to get out of here. These walls won't close in on me today.

....and a song to take us through the fade out.....

Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time to change, don't you?
(I think it's time for us to walk away from here)
Stories in our lives, we keep them all inside

Now look at me still in your mind
Our memories so intertwined
Well you broke through and found your way
And so did I no need to stay....
"Stories" Trapt

Just Like It Was In The 60s

Happy first day of fall! If fall were a person, I would hug it.


I kid you not, last night, I dreamt of people named Lucy, Uncle Loomis, Aunt Freddie, and Cousin Peep. 'Lucy' was played by Lauren Graham, but the others were just strange. I was going to elaborate on the dream, but then I realized it would best be saved for NaNo. Strange antics, indeed.

Words

One sign of the slide down the slippery slope of old age is failing to figure out how to properly operate your VCR. I made the mistake of moving it to a different room before giving myself a refresher course on programming (and hitting the record button). On top of that, I can't find the remote, so it's like owning a piece of air. Hopefully I'll have it figured out soon. I need it by 8.

In lieu of content, I present:

Words that are awesome, but aren't used very much:

Bulwark
Schadenfreude
Tenebrous
Capricious
Lackadaisical

Angishore

Circumlocution

Magnanimous
Unmitigated
Barmy
Puerile
Quixotic

Pirate Sighting

I've seen real pirates before.

Once, a few years ago (2003 I think) I had gone to the Route 60 Wal-Mart to get new tires around 9am. After wandering aimlessly around the store for a while, I settled at the in-store McDonalds for some breakfast. I sat at a corner table quietly reading the paper and eating my bagel-thing, when I look up and see....pirates. There were three, all decked out in pirate garb, head to toe. They all had shoulder-length hair or longer, one haid a small braid on one side, bandanas on their heads (two read, one leather). One had on a black loose shirt (not a Seinfeld 'puffy' shirt, just a loose dress shirt) and the other two wore white. They wore the piratey pants, boots and those colorful things they tie around their waist. After ordering their breakfast, the took their payment out of the booty-bag (the leather pouch) hooked to their waistband. They waited on their trays and then parked themselves at a table a couple away from mine. Of course, the paper and my breakfast had been long forgotten at this point. I had to use my hand to close my mouth, I was so shocked. Luckily they didn't seem very into making eye contact, so I'm pretty sure they didn't see my awe. I sat very still for a while, observing, thinking, and trying to figure out what I should do. One question kept making it's way to my thoughts, put I kept pushing it aside, labeling it absurd.

Then the announcement came. The tire and lube center alerted me that my car was ready to roll. I stood up and threw my paper and breakfast away, and as I passed by the pirate table I made a decision. I had to say something. So, I timidly walked over and cleared my throat.

"Excuse me, fellas, I'm sorry to interrupt your meal, but I'd really like to ask you a question, if that's okay." I said.

The pirate with the long hair and braid looked me up and down, sort of sizing me up, and said, "Let me guess. You want to know if we're real pirates."

"Well, no..." I started, but he interrrupted.

"Then you want to know if we've got a cannon on our ship. Or if we really make crooks walk the plank. Or if we really say 'arrr' and 'yo ho ho'.Or if we rape and pilage." He said, visibly agitated.

"No no no and no." I said, waiting to be yelled at, by scary pirate guy.

"Then what is it miss? What would you like to know?" He asked. I'm guessing curiousity got the best of him.

"It's just that, the river is quite a few miles from here. I was just wondering, if you in fact do sail around on a boat, how on earth did you get to Wal-Mart?"

For a moment, all they did was stare at me. Then the two I hadn't spoken to, began laughing. Hard. The leader guy (I can't call him 'Captain' as he lacked a hat.)

"Well, I say, that's a first." He said, then informed me that They were in fact pirates who did sail around, BUT they lived in West Virginia, in different parts, and they get together (by driving cars) once in a while. The guy with the boat wasn't with them at the time (I'm guessing he's the captain) That was simple enough. So I thanked them and went on my merry way, got my car and came home.

How I wish I had had a camera on me.

And now, to wrap things up, I give you a quote from Cabin Boy:

Skunk: We're just here to catch fish and stink.
Paps: Mostly the latter

I think that about sums it up!

Ahoy!

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate day!!


Boy, yesterday I got to see cowboys, today pirates. Two of my vices in two days. Wowie...er..I mean Arg!

Quickies

~Very few days left now until I can officially sing my 'fall is here' song spontaneously and to the point of annoyance. But really, who am I kidding? I've been singing it all month, only 'un'officially.

~I spent the bulk of the morning on this glorious 72 degree day roaming from shop to shop in search of stuff to include in the spooktastical compilations set, and I must say, I came out with quite a haul. I don't want to give away any surprises, but lets just say I now have in my possession something titles "The Radio Spook Show" Funny stuff guys, funny stuff.

~After returning home, I spent quite a bit of time watching football and flipping over to QVC's 'Day of Beauty' to watch the makeovers. What? Football and make up can go nicely together when mixed properly.

~I want to watch The Ring II so bad I can't stand it, but I'm too scared to do it by myself. Oh, sometimes I vex myself. Also, see 'perplexed'.

~Anyone going apple picking or corn mazing this fall? Go here. I found quite a few places fairly close to here to visit. Let's all pile in the car and go. Ahhh, Cosmo, you never let me down.

I've Got A 'To Do' List A Mile Long

Last night, I was proofing an argumenative essay for a friend of mine. Around ten I needed to give my brain a break, so I turned on the tv and discovered the documentary: 'The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off' and from 10-11pm last night, nothing else existed. That seemingly insignificant hour of my life turned out to be one of the most gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, saddest, important hours that I've had so far. I think it's probably the most upsetting thing I've ever seen happen to one person before. And it happens to millions, according to the facts in the article. I was in tears practically the entire hour (Big surprise to you guys, I'm a wimp when it comes to sad stuff, but don't worry...I'd never cry in front of you ;) then I realized it was ridiculus to cry over it.

So, why am I saying all this? I realize I've been mopey and grumpy and sad and whiney and melancholy, and unproductive, and quite unlike myself for the past few weeks because of some recent uncool events. But then after 11pm last night I realized, even though I feel like screaming sometimes, I haven't got it bad at all. And just like that, I quit feeling sorry over the situation. I'm sure I'll still be caught from time to time staring out the window with a sad smile on my face (for a while), but right now, I've got stuff to do. It's good to be reminded once in a while that things aren't nearly as bad as they could be, and of course, to count your blessings.

Good Things

Since last night I got a little rantalicious, I settled down before bed and made a list of good things to balance things out.

Puppies
Craftster.org

Cowboys (Yee-haw!)
Pink Polos
NY Superfudge Chunk Ice Cream
Gilmore Girls
Fall
Pumpkin Candles
Jimmy Neutron
Office Supplies
Accessories
Pirates
Whale Stationary
Lappy Mc Laptop (He's Irish)
Diet Coke
Gettin' Letters
Good Books
Golden Girls
Cool Shades
Pictures
Do it Yourself-ing
Musical Mixes
Eau Du Fresh Coffee

And last but not least:
Interviews that go REALLY well (even though you won't hear back until next week)

And The Beat Goes On...

How many times can you check for a pulse before you tag it and call it dead?


I loathe when things are awkward
I can't stand how this feels
I despise things left unfinished
I abhor what you've become
I detest this brand of hurting

I hate being reminded of the better part of you

I wish I could say 'I refuse to feel this way anymore', but I know as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'll be seeing you. So I won't say it. For now.


Things are always a little darker in the night...

Just Call Me Squint

It's no secret to people in my life that I have a mystery ailment. When I least expect it, it creeps in like the morning fog, so slowly that you don't even realize it's overtaking you until it's too late, and you wake up and can't see because your eyes are swollen shut. It's painful and it sucks. I rarely get this weird allergy but neither I, nor my doctor can figure out what causes it. It's been happening since the year I moved, never before, and usually in the spring. I'm going to take a stab and say it's a make up or cologne allergy.
Yesterday a friend of mine brought her boyfriend up here so I could re-meet him (went to high school together, but weren't friends) and we decided to go out. Dinner went well enough, but sometime during the 40 year old virgin (funny funny) I began to feel a little stinging in both my eyes. At first I thought I was tired. Then, it became hard to blink. My head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. Then I dragged my friend out into the hall so she could inspect me. She gasped and my stomach dropped. I high tailed it home and began frantically searching for some Patanol. I thought I was over this. Hadn't happend in nearly a year. So I finally found the eye drops and commenced fighting myself to putthem in. Then fell asleep. This morning I'm only half swollen. Because I finally realized the syptoms. I have to look at things with my head tilted back and totally can't drive today (maybe tomorrow too) but it could be so much worse. As it is, I think I'm the only one who'll be able to tell anything's wrong. Unless someone gets in my face for some odd reason. WHEW! Amelia narrowly excapes another one.

On the bright side, while I was searching for my stuff, I found two cds I had been missing since right after purchase. They're two of my favorites too: Lynyrd Skynyrd "Vicious Cycle" and Def Leppard's "Best of" (2 disc!). At least I'll have something to do today with my eyes closed.

Oddities

Gas went down to 2.89....whew!

I fell asleep watching tv earlier this evening and was woken up by the following image:

I could see myself laying on my couch and all of a sudden, a spotlight was shown in the upper left corner of the room. A cheesy looking cupid, started lowering himself down from the ceiling (you could totally see the thick rope holding him up) and he was playing a song on his golden, arrow shaped guitar. The song? I can't recall the title, but anyone who's seen "This is Spinal Tap" will recall the song about the farm girl they sing in the USO-esque scene. That would be it my friends. Just before I woke up (laughing) the angel somehow got right in my face, or 'all up in it' and it smiled at me and said "Things are good now". Then I woke up. WHAT!? What's good now?! Whew, goodness. This reminds me of the 'fedora' episode of the Golden Girls. I'm so lame.

Then, on the way home tonight, I passed at least four people walking down the side of the road, and another larger group of people gathered at the horse farm, having some sort of strange midnight 'meeting', and then a bunch of people in a dark parking lot. All this piqued my curiousity, but I can tell you, I'm glad I'm not Tom Hanks right now. No investigating for me!

TimberTrout Reply

Dear Fireproof Sam and the rest of the gang at TimberTrout,


I'm extremely flattered by your offer. I would never have guessed that someone, other than my regulars, would see that poem, but lo and behold, there you are. As long as I don't have to contact Mr. V, then sure.


Let's do it.

You GuysRock,
Amelia