Hey! This Doesn't Taste Like Rockstar!

Yesterday I had to run to the store for a card and some bottled water. I know there are a lot of water products out there, but when I saw Rock Star Water*, I was astounded. It's labeled as an 'energy drink' but classified under was no less. It even comes in Diet Rockstar. The can (yes, "Water" in an aluminum can) was kind of nifty so I tossed some Rockstar water into my cart and headed out. When I got it home, I opened it and stared for a moment down into the inky darkness before taking a drink. It wasn't half bad. Much better than I had anticipated. But I guess that's what happens when you drink Rockstar water. You may expect it to taste like Vodka, cigarettes and groupie sweat, but you'll be surprised.

hmm....say it out loud. That might make a good slogan to slap on a billboard.


Now to go enjoy this rainy afternoon by watching Monty Python back to back. First up, Meaning of Life, followed by The Holy Grail.

Does anyone know what happend to Mr. Bean? I vaguely remember that show being funny, but I haven't seen it in years.

* I tried to find a picture or the website, but all I found was 1,000 different places to get this. Enjoy!

Reminder

An email I sent earlier:

Tess,

Last night I happened to catch the last 20 minutes or so of what I now think is Final Destination 2 (possibly 3). I tuned in just in time to see one of the male characters drop his keys and wallet into a female character's hands and say something like "If I die go to my house and get rid of my stuff. My drugs. My porno. My mom can't find it." After seeing that, all I could think of was Beck's mom who found all her embarrassing paraphernalia while she and her hubby were on their honeymoon. While I have no drugs or porno (well…. drugs anyway, thanks to your business venture ;) to speak of I did realize that I've had that same thought before. What if something happened? Even something stupid like I ran off to Barbados because I "couldn't take it anymore" or was abducted by aliens, or during a fit of depression I ate too many cookies and spontaneously combusted, who would go through my stuff? I'm not taking the risk of not knowing. So I'm officially appointing you to do the job, in a pact similar to that of the "If I'm in a coma bring…" nature. If any of the preceding bad things were to happen to me I want you to find every diary (old and ESPECIALLY current) in my bedroom, then go through my dvd cabinet and take out any that I may be ashamed to admit I own (example: I don't care if people know I own "Too Wong Foo" or "Earth Girls are Easy" but take "Uptown Girls", and "Harold and Kumar go the White Castle (Yeah, it seems odd to me too)). Take my whole nightstand. I've got no clue what's in that bottom drawer but it can't possibly be good. And for the love of Pete, find the check stub from my first published story and get rid of it. Eat it if you have to. I never told my mom about the subject matter.
Sometime in the future send me your list and we'll make make it official. X's & O's.

That's Like Orange Juice In Cereal

This article blew my mind. Even though it caters mainly to female readers, the 'red flags' they mentioned would apply to all.

Things I know are true:

Ketchup on Eggs

If one of those first dates is brunch, and your new friend reaches for the ketchup to put on his eggs, red flag! I realize this may seem arbitrary or fussy. Or perhaps you think I'm making a class judgment here. Well, maybe I am! What's wrong with that? All I know is nothing good ever comes of ketchup on eggs. And it's really gross.
The result: My childhood best friend.It was like a massacre. I had to leave the room and I've never been the same. In her teens, she helped her boyfriend burn down a stranger's house on halloween.

Chronic Lateness

For clarity, "chronic" here means "three dates in a row." If your date arrives more than 10 minutes late each time, don't wait for his fourth arrival. No doubt your date will have wonderful excuses, and one or two may even be sound. But three in a row is a pattern, and what the pattern says is, "I don't want to get into this." So neither do you.

The result: Good ole' M who won't be on time at his own funeral.

Scary Divorce Stories

It's amazing how much a new prospect will tell you about his life on a first or second date -- much more than he knows he's saying. The question is: Do you hear it? If he launches into the story of his messy divorce, is his ex the villain in every respect? To me, that's a red flag right there. Anyone who's emotionally grounded should be able to see that two people, not one, contribute to a divorce.

The result: The one who didn't realize that I didn't want to smell, act, or think like his ex wife, who was haunted by the fact we both had the same car, and who, after I, finally fed up, yelled "I'm not ****!!" let out an exhasperated sigh, stared at me as if he were working on the bride of Frankenstein and said "I know"

Rudeness to Waiters

And taxi drivers, and anyone else in a service job.

The result: No result..yet. This one's obvious. As is the one about flings. Over that.